Zaid Mohamad
IN June 2018, a group of scientists launched the world's first survey on parental burnout.
Led by Isabelle Roskam of Catholic University of Louvain, Belgium, they wanted to measure it independently from job burnout.
What is parental burnout and what are its effects?
The American Association for Psychological Science has warned that parental burnout can lead to harmful outcomes for parents and children.
When the daily stress of parenting becomes chronic, it can result in parental burnout, an intense exhaustion that leads parents to feel detached from their children and unsure of their parenting abilities.
Psychologists generally agree that burnout has three main components. Both workplace burnout and parental burnout share the same three components.
EXHAUSTION
The first component involves feeling chronically drained — physically and emotionally.
Eventually, this chronic exhaustion will lead people to disconnect or distance themselves emotionally and cognitively from their work; or in the case of parental burnout, their children and families.
CYNICISM
This is when we feel people are just rubbing us the wrong way, and we start to distance ourselves from these people by actively ignoring the qualities that make them unique and engaging.
The result? Reduced empathy and caring. We don't need scientists and psychologists to tell us how damaging this is, whether in the workplace or in our family.
INEFFICACY
The third component is inefficacy. It's best demonstrated by the why-bother-who-cares mentality that appears as we struggle to cope with daily issues.
Inefficacy also makes it more difficult to feel a sense of accomplishment and impacts our work or parenting.
Do you have any of these components? How do we move forward given the pandemic is here to stay a little longer?
Here a few simple but practical steps to protect ourselves from parental burnout.
ACCEPT AND DISCUSS
This is arguably the hardest step. It's not easy to admit that we have a problem. But if you trust your partner and family, there's no harm talking to them.
They may have similar feelings as they also miss their routines and friends. It helps to know you're not alone. There's strength in numbers.
Acknowledge that we have a problem and that it's not that bad. It's the first step towards regaining our momentum again.
TAKE A BREAK
Running a family can be stressful. While office workers can look forward to lunch breaks and the end of office hours, the work at home never seems to stop. In fact, it's even more apparent now that everyone's staying and working at home.
Hence, a well-deserved break is required. Find creative ways to have some "me" time.
Leave your work behind if you can. Spend some time to watch a few good movies. Cut down on social media as a way to block yourself from potential negativities out there.
DO IT YOUR WAY
Once you feel refreshed and ready to start again, revisit your daily schedule and make some changes.
Focus on key priorities and drop things that may have caused you anxiety.
Strive to balance schedule for work, family and yourself. Protect yourself from feeling anxious when others are taking up new skills, building new businesses or helping more people. You want to do all that — but your way.
Hopefully by then you'll start feeling liberated and ready for more. It's a great feeling when you're back in control, as opposed to feeling helpless. I've done it. Many people have experienced it. Now it's your turn to reignite your fire.
Zaid Mohamad coaches and trains parents to experience happier homes and more productive workplaces. Reach him at zaid@smartparents.com.my.