IF I knew then what I know now, I would’ve talked less and listened more.
Now I’ve been coached to step back and check in with myself.
I use the question, “Why am I talking?” to keep me on purpose.
Confidence is quiet; insecurity is loud.
I’m guessing those who feel the need to prove something want to talk and those with nothing to prove, keep quiet.
Either that, or these noisy folk haven’t found themselves and feel the need to “work” at fitting in, getting approval or belonging.
I suppose this is why older people are mellow and younger people want to engage and confront.
I remember an incident some years ago when I was asked to write a piece for a local business magazine and I wrote about the importance of active listening.
This also means being quiet enough to hear what isn’t being said.
The editor responded, “This is not newsworthy, we can’t use it.” I remember my insides revolting.
I wondered what kind of leaders we have, who cannot see value in staying present to other human beings.
Tony Robbins taught me that “engaging people is about meeting their needs.
Not yours.” Is this why our workforce is so disengaged? I’m totally convinced that the quality of our presence is our single- most powerful tool for a quality outcome.
Maya Angelou said.
“I’ve learnt that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” The more we are able to be “all there” in the moment and stay open to the flow of energy in the room, the more we can apply our best resources.
I’ve found this to be true when I’m in front of a large audience when I’m coaching, writing, or when I’m leading at meetings.
If I could start over, I’d really listen and learn.
I’d make it a point to know the important stuff so well that it becomes second nature.
Knowing it “in my bones” as they say.
For that I’d need the confidence to ask questions and not be afraid of being laughed at or thought of as a beginner.
Tough because ego despises looking inferior, it wants to be seen as right and smart and better than others.
Otherwise, ego hates being seen.
Ego is constantly putting up masks and operating under layers of delusion so that it’s kept isolated and special.
I’ve been coached to catch ego in action and get it out of the way so that I can live authentically.
Coaching helps me live courageously — no apologies for being ME.
I want to do the right thing, not the popular thing.
I want to live from my values and commitments, not by my obligations.
“That which is false troubles the heart, but truth brings joyous tranquility.” The Sufi poet Rumi also wrote, “Sell your cleverness and purchase bewilderment.” “Silence is the language of God.
All else is poor translation.” “Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world.
Today I am wise so I am changing myself.” Rumi was teaching us about ego and how to transcend our false self.
If I were to start life over, I’d take full responsibility and ownership of my life.
Instead of whining and griping over problems and stuff that doesn’t go my way, I’d gather my wits (I’m a genius after all) and create solutions.
Knowing now that there’s power in making good choices, and instead of giving my power away by blindly following the herd or sitting on the fence as though I were dulled by the enormity of the issue (feigning horror), I can choose according to what I want.
And I can learn how to get what I don’t have.
To own my life 100 per cent, I must pledge never to feel sorry for myself.
I must give up my pity-parties.
Yes, and actually acknowledge others for showing me they care.
This means people might actually hang around and I’d have to make space for that too! Yikes, what would I do without the drama? It’s gotten me free cupcakes on a rainy day and provided the ultimate excuse for non-performance.
Yes, yes, I’m committing to life 100 per cent.
So out with the old and in with the new.
QuinTESSential, fanTESStic, infiniTESSimal ME! Having lived this long and seen this much, I’m convinced that there’s been a superior presence guiding me, nudging me in the direction of my Higher Self.
That’s my destination, and from now on, I’m paying close attention.
Worried about life after marriage breakup
I CAUGHT my husband with another woman.
We have two young boys below 10 and I’m feeling very confused at the moment.
I’m very angry but I’m also very frightened and worried.
How am I going to manage from now on? My marriage is over and I’ve to go back to work after 10 years of being a homemaker.
I’M sorry.
I assure you things will turn out okay.
Here’s where you get to discover how strong you are and what’s important to you.
Here’s where you get to put yourself first.
Here are a few questions to bring you clarity: (1) Given your situation, list your top three priorities and what you need to protect them (2) Describe your best self, the one that will emerge when the dust settles (3) Decide who you want to be in this situation and keep a snapshot of yourself in that mode close to you.
Refer to it whenever you feel frightened, upset, or confused.
Post inspiring notes and quotes on your mirror to keep you focused on the positive.
Select role models in women who have overcome similar situations and have become better for it.
Spend time only with positive, upbeat, enthusiastic optimists whom you can trust and who will have your back in your weak moments.
Everyone else can wait.
This is YOU time.
This is the time you will honour all the feelings that come up without judging yourself.
Observe, feel, breathe, release.
And again.
Once you set your priorities, you will know what to do.
Your family and friends will support you.
Here’s where you learn how to ask for what you need.
I know most women want to be strong and not show their vulnerability but here’s the thing.
Being able to demonstrate vulnerability IS strength.
Accepting and appreciating ALL of you is strength.
You’ll want to cope by avoiding or downplaying whatever is happening, so watch yourself.
Strength is when you can fully feel all your emotions without denying any of it.
Be patient with yourself.
Be kind and gentle on yourself.
Time will heal, and this too shall pass.