#HEALTH: Dealing with dementia

I GREW up in a humble, middle-income family. I remember my dad having to do 3-4 jobs to put us through college whilst my mom stayed home to take care of the three of us. It was a warm, loving and fun home environment.

Thinking back to all the things my parents gave us, I cannot help but feel this incredible sense of gratefulness in watching them age gracefully, with both being able, active, and healthy in their seventies.

Even then, when I look at my circle of friends, it breaks my heart to see that not everyone is as lucky as I am. One friend has a parent who suffers from dementia, and I see the toll a condition like that takes on a person and the people around them.

Dementia is not a normal part of ageing. It is caused by damage to the brain cells that affects a person's ability to communicate, which can affect thinking, behaviour, and feelings hence the outbursts that sometimes happen in dementia patients.

A lot of times, people mistake dementia and Alzheimer's to be the same thing. Both are similar but they are not the same. Alzheimer's is a degenerative brain disease. A common early onset symptom of Alzheimer's is trouble remembering new information because the disease typically impacts the part of the brain associated with learning.

Dementia is an umbrella term for a decline in mental ability severe enough to interfere with daily life.

Alzheimer's is the most common cause of dementia. Alzheimer's is a specific condition. Dementia is not.

It is important to understand the difference between the two to be able to reach out or provide patients with the care that they will need.

We cannot imagine how the elderly would feel as they start to realise what is happening to them. From being lucid, everyday people who actively participate in life to someone who finds it difficult to grasp that their memory is deteriorating and worse, having difficulty distinguishing reality from hallucination.

It truly breaks my heart. And that is not where the impact of the disease ends. To the family, managing this disease can be tiresome and incredibly painful especially if the person needs close monitoring.

Can you imagine watching a parent whom you looked up to and relied on all your life, slowly start to disappear right before your eyes?

In Homage, we care for many elderly people who suffer from dementia and Alzheimer's disease.

Reading the visit reports by our professionals is difficult – each report tells a tale of how significantly this disease impacts the elderly.

There is "Atuk" (grandfather), who thinks he is still living during wartime and often feels the need to hide and protect himself or "Po Po" (grandmother), who insists on going to the bus stop opposite the house at 4pm every day because she needs to pick up her grandson from school, despite her grandson now being 25 and studying in the US.

What do we as family members do to help such people improve their quality of life?

Do we convince them that this was 50 years ago, or do we follow their schedule? Do we walk or hide or run alongside them? These are all questions that crop up when thinking about this disease.

What I have come to realise is that to navigate through these hurdles, one needs a lot of patience, effort, mental space and most importantly, help.

Asian culture dictates that adult children look after their ageing parents. Your parents raised you so you must care for them in return.

But there should be no shame in asking for help to care for our loved ones.

Caregiving is a joint effort between the providers and the family. When you need a break, you take that break, and we can step in to help.

Asking for help does not mean you are not good enough or that you are running away from your responsibilities. Knowledge is power - knowing does not only mean getting information about the disease but also being aware of the options available to help you as a caregiver.

*The writer is country manager of Homage Malaysia.