Do you find it near impossible to forgive someone who wronged you?
Be it in life, or with your family, or even at the workplace, forgiving and trying to be magnanimous when you feel hurt is a tough.
But I think forgiveness is one of the most underrated traits at the workplace. For instance, a project done with Google employees in 2012, to build a more courageous culture, including the courage to forgive, also showed positive impact.
This forgiveness training was done by renowned social psychological research, and neuroscience organisation Courageous Leadership. It demonstrated that participants developed a greater understanding of how to manage stressful situations that negatively affect behavior, after the training. The employees felt better and more connected.
The people who participated in these sessions attested that they experienced the sensation of letting go of heavy weightiness that held them back. The forgiveness exercise was immensely powerful.
The company recounted that their employees took more social risks, like offering new ideas, admitting fears or concerns, and asking for or offering help, after the training programme.
Further to this, a 2016 study published in the American Journal of Health shows that the power of forgiveness improves well-being, and productivity in professional settings. Increased efficiency is arguably the most important thing in the mind for most employers.
This research showed that compassion, which is associated with a forgiveness, clearly impacts improved output, decreased absenteeism, and fewer mental and physical health problems. It also points to reduction in interpersonal stress.
So, it is abundantly clear that we all need to learn to forgive! But how do you foster forgiveness at work?
The biggest problem at the workplace is unresolved stress that comes from interpersonal conflict. You lose you capacity to be compassionate. This, in turn, makes you lose the ability to forgive.
Remember that you can influence the culture at your workplace. Your actions will inspire your colleagues, so when you learn to forgive others, this emotion becomes contagious.
Clinical psychologist Everett L. Worthington, developed a technique called REACH, which will help you learn to forgive at your place of work. His model has been tested, with positive results in numerous scientific studies.
The first step is to recall the hurt (R). Worthington says that to start to heal, you must accept that you have been offended. Once you do this, you must decide not to be nasty and hurtful, because often, you will want to punish the other person. Do not treat yourself as a victim, and the other person as a scoundrel. Decide to forgive, and choose to not pursue "payback". Instead, look for value in them. Remember, everyone has value.
The next is to empathise (E). The method he prescribes for empathy, which leads to forgiveness, is when you imagine speaking to the other person. In your mind, allow them to tell you why they may have acted in the way they did, which wronged you.
This exercise, as contrived as it may sound, will help you build empathy. Sometimes, even if you cannot empathise with cynical behaviour, you can feel sympathy, which helps you heal.
The third step is to remind yourself that you can give altruistic gifts (A). Worthington asks you to offer forgiveness as an unselfish gift. I am sure you have had occasion to wrong someone; a friend, your spouse, or someone close to you. And, they have forgiven you.
I know that once my wife or my folks have forgiven me for misbehaving, I feel tremendous relief, and I don't want to disappoint them anymore. Similarly, when you forgive generously, you are giving a gift to that person who has hurt you.
Next is to commit to the forgiveness (C). Write a little note down in your notepad that, today, you have forgiven that person. Like all goals, the successful ones come only when you write them down and commit to doing them.
And, the final step is to hold on to forgiveness (H). As your anger resurges from time to time, learn to hold on to forgiveness. Remember that feeling of relief when you were forgiven for something, and keep reconnecting with that.
Forgiveness does not mean that you condone bad behavior. Your workplace must have policies and procedures for dealing with serious wrongdoings. But I'd like to draw your attention to the adage "…resentment is like taking poison, and waiting for the other person to die".
Do not allow a grudge to poison you, especially at work. Focus on your own growth trajectory.
*The writer is managing consultant and executive leadership coach at EQTD Consulting. He is also the author of the national bestseller 'So, You Want To Get Promoted?'