According to the Women, Family and Community Development Ministry, there were 63,463 divorces among Muslims last year compared with 59,712 the previous year.
Divorce cases among non-Muslims stood at 9,326 last year. This year, between January and July, there were 48,077 divorce cases among Muslims.
A study showed that most couples divorced or separated less than five years after marriage.
These figures can have detrimental effects on families and children. Dysfunctional families, divorced and single mothers are on the rise.
Divorce or separation was unheard of in the old days. Today, three out of five marriages end in divorce.
What are the reasons for married couples to divorce? According to the ministry, 56 per cent of men cited irreconcilable differences and 20 per cent of women cited infidelity as reasons for failed marriages. Other reasons were in-law interference and irresponsible attitude towards the marriage.
In the old days, the husband was usually the sole breadwinner of the family. Married women were mostly housewives, who were dependent on their husbands for financial support.
Even if a husband was abusive or had an affair, a wife would put up with it for the sake of the children and the marital concept of “till death do us part”. The stigma of divorce also had negative connotations for women in the old days. A woman would be pressured to stay in the marriage to “save her family’s face”.
Everyone, including her family members, would blame the woman for the divorce. She would also not be respected in the community.
Today, however, the perception has changed. Women have careers and are financially independent. They have a greater say and are equal partners in the marriage.
For women today, the concept of happiness and independence is very important. If these virtues are absent, they would walk out of the marriage. They would not tolerate or accept any form of abuse or infidelity from the husband.
The “push and pull” factor also precipitates divorce today. Working couples are sometimes stressed out in their marital responsibilities. For women, juggling a home and career without their husband’s help can be taxing.
Every married working woman would want to be treated with respect and appreciation like Donna Summer’s song: “She works hard for the money, so you better treat her right”.
It is not only the internal problems in the home that push couples to separate but also the presence of a third person.
Since both the man and woman are working, both may have extra marital affairs or flings in the office. Infidelity has been cited by women as to why marriages end in divorce.
Sometimes, divorce is a necessary evil for troubled or violent marriages. No one would want a divorce. It is a painful and traumatic experience.
But for couples who are mismatched or have problems, terminating the marriage is the best option.
The family organisations and religious bodies must strengthen the institution of marriage by conducting premarital courses for men and women who want to get married.
Muslim couples are required to attend a compulsory premarital course. Christians also undergo a compulsory marriage counselling course before they exchange vows. These premarital courses should be made compulsory for couples of all races and religions.
The marriage preparatory courses strengthen and provide a better understanding of the institution of marriage, and clearly defines their roles and responsibilities in marriage. It will also identify potential problem areas, conflict management, parenthood, financial management and family values.
Marriages are made in heaven, but more so at home, where both the man and the woman need to work together to learn, tolerate, appreciate and accept each other with mutual love, respect and forgiveness.
Samuel Yesuiah, Seremban, Negri Sembilan