KUALA LUMPUR: A former policeman, sacked after more than 15 years in the force for getting involved in drugs, considers that period "a bitter episode" in his life.
The 44-year-old from Perak has been drug-free for four years and is a driver and bodyguard for a tycoon in Subang.
"No point crying over spilt milk. Nothing will change. I take it as a bitter episode in my life."
Jalil (not his real name) said drug abuse ruined his future and his life.
He told the New Sunday Times that his addiction to methamphetamine had cost him his job, family and self-respect.
"Luckily, Allah had mercy for me. I bounced back and I lead a better life now," said Jalil, who has remarried.
He said his descent into substance abuse was sparked by personal and work stress.
"What started as casual drug use soon became an addiction that made me neglect my duties and responsibilities.
"At first, I felt like I was in control of the drug use. I felt like I could do everything.
"As a policeman, I witnessed things that most people never will. It took a toll.
"It began in 2012. It was my 12th year in the force. I attended a VIP party with a few off-duty colleagues and tried syabu for the first time.
"What started as an occasional indulgence to unwind after stressful shifts transformed into my worst habit. It turned my life upside down."
Jalil said after two years, he needed drugs to get through the day.
"I used to get it for free from drug pushers.
"Other times, we would take some during raids and keep it for our use.
"It is illegal, but as long as I could get away with it, I did it.
"The addiction took a toll on my work. I was often scolded by my superior.
"The stressful work contributed to my drug abuse.
"I was given warnings, punishment and was even referred to the disciplinary board in Bukit Aman.
"They called me in for an internal inquiry a few times. I had to face a panel that finally decided I was unfit for the job and dismissed me."
He said he did not blame the force for firing him as everything followed due process.
He said his superiors had given him many chances before his case was taken to the state police headquarters, then to the federal police headquarters in Bukit Aman.
He said an internal investigation was launched after multiple complaints, and his final strike was when he failed a random drug test in 2016.
The inquiry report described a long history of drug abuse that compromised his safety and that of his colleagues.
"It was the lowest point of my life. I lost everything; my job, my friends in the force, my reputation."
He said he returned to his village in Kelantan to stay with his parents, who have since died.
He said that was when he met his current wife, whom he married in 2020.