SEXUAL abuse is a taboo topic in Malaysia, but the alarming number of cases, especially those involving children, demands that society pay attention and curb the menace.
Firdaus Wong, a social activist and motivator, has witnessed first-hand its devastating impact.
In an exclusive interview with the New Straits Times, he shared the struggles and emotional toll faced by his team in their organisation known as the Multiracial Reverted Muslims (MRM).
This story details their experiences in navigating one of society's darkest realities.
His opening remarks describe how reluctant Malaysians are in dealing with the issue, and instead, prefer to sacrifice victims — even their loved ones — to predators, who may also turn out to be their own kin.
BETRAYED BY BLOOD
"After two weeks of handling cases, they (his team members) had to see a psychologist," Wong said as he began to broach the heavy topic of child sexual abuse.
He was sharing about the youngest victim he and his team encountered — a 4-year-old girl who was abused by her granduncle.
"The girl had a 'stomachache' so severe that her mother had to take her to the clinic. It was then she told her mother what happened and what her granduncle had done to her," he said.
"This had been going on for months without the parents realising it."
The most shocking and devastating part, Wong said, was the father's refusal to help his daughter because the abuser was his blood uncle.
"It's heartbreaking when we read the medical report, which described in graphic detail how she was sexually abused.
"I felt sad and angry reading it, but what about the child who had to endure the abuse? What about her mother?"
Wong said despite having to witness such depths of depravity, he was glad to be able to help many victims.
He warned parents to be cautious when leaving their children in the care of others, even relatives, as cases of minors being abused by family members were growing.
"I'm not saying you should distrust your relatives, but you must remain vigilant."
BROKEN TRUST
Wong's team first started their social services in 2017 by helping couples with marital issues, but their scope gradually expanded to address sexual harassment, abuse and child grooming.
It was during the Covid-19 lockdown in 2020 that the team saw a rise in sexual abuse cases.
Wong acknowledged that while social media had a role in the problem, he believed the root cause lay in the parents' failure to build strong, trusting relationships with their children.
"Generally, the public wants to blame social media. But are we going to blame the knife-maker when a stabbing incident occurs? That's shifting the blame and refusing to take responsibility."
Wong shared the story of a family who came to him with concerns about their daughter, an "obedient girl" who was caught sending explicit photos of herself to a man living thousands of kilometres away — someone she had never even met in person.
Wong said while it was easy to blame social media as it provided a way for both of them to communicate, he believed the daughter's actions were rooted in a deeper issue: a lack of validation from her parents.
"When I spoke to them, they admitted to frequently comparing their daughter to her siblings. She would feel put down because, in their eyes, she didn't measure up.
"They would praise her, but it always came with a backhanded compliment like 'You're good, but your sister is better.'
"As a result, the girl began to feel a lack of trust and affirmation from her family, which led her to seek validation from someone who appeared to offer care and attention," he said.
He noticed that parents were often judgmental towards their children and did not monitor daily activities.
"Parents often only realise something is wrong when it's too late, and then scold their children for not speaking up.
"Children also often say they were met with judgment when they tried to share their problems, and more often than not, it's a friend or their best friend who steps in to tell the parents."
However, if children were courageous enough to admit their mistakes, he warned parents against discussing those private confessions with others as it could break their trust, making the children more distant and secretive.
ONLINE DANGER
Sexual predators are always trawling for information on social media, and they know how to take advantage of someone with an emotional void.
"They prowl on social media and can see a potential victim if someone always complains about an abusive husband. They know this person doesn't have a good relationship with her spouse, so they will come in as a replacement," said Wong.
"Women, when they are down and emotional, will become most vulnerable."
These predators or sexual groomers, he added, usually held high positions in society, as well as having wealth and seniority.
"They could be preachers, social media influencers or someone popular who seems to offer good advice or organise programmes."
However, he shared two red flags to watch out for: when they encourage conversations to move to private messaging or adopt intimate forms of addressing a person they care for as the relationship progresses.
"A key red flag is when an attractive member of the opposite sex, who you got to know on social media, offers you their number. Someone who wants to keep it professional would usually refer you to another person from the same sex to maintain boundaries.
"They may also change the way they address you with formal titles, like 'ma'am', to nicknames that suggest closeness.
"Victims would often feel proud at being referred to by such close terms, unaware that it's a form of manipulation to build emotional attachment and trust that leads to compliance with questionable requests," he said.
DEEP SCARS
Wong said the trauma of sexual abuse is often long-lasting with profound effects.
"Victims may feel triggered when encountering strangers who share similar traits, characteristics or even gender with their abusers. Without proper treatment, this trauma can persist and deeply affect their future."
He added that some victims even experienced a shift in sexual inclinations due to the trauma they suffered.
"I once handled the case of an underaged boy who had been groomed. When testifying in court, he vomited non-stop as he recounted the abuse.
"Eventually, the deputy public prosecutor had to request a partition to block the boy's view of his abuser as he couldn't bear to see the man who sexually abused and sodomised him."
Wong said the boy, who used to like girls, later experienced a change in his sexual preferences.
"He was a regular boy. But after the unfortunate incident, his sexual inclinations changed," he said, adding that in many cases he handled, the victims had to undergo years of rehabilitation.
Wong said many predators were themselves victims of sexual abuse who were traumatised by their past experiences.
But that was not an excuse to justify their vindictive feelings by taking it out on others or absolve them of their heinous crimes.
"It is normal to feel traumatised, but you have an option to either end the cycle or perpetuate it by seeking revenge on someone else, someone more vulnerable," he said.
NUMEROUS THREATS
Wong said he received numerous threats over the years as he and his organisation worked to help abuse victims.
But he remained committed to his cause by putting his faith in God and believing that the Almighty would protect him from harm.
"The worst was a threat by someone who wanted to put a bullet in my head. But I didn't care.
"I still walk alone in the streets because when your conscience is clear, you know Allah will protect you.
"If something were to happen to you, it means Allah wants to elevate your rank. It's as simple as that.
"Of course, I won't go to a ghetto, but I also don't need to walk around with bodyguards. I'm nobody. If Allah wills it, it will happen; if not, it won't," said Wong.