AT fifty plus, and magna cum laude throughout my academic and professional life, I had never known what failure is.
It was always something that happened to other people- those who had not worked hard enough; those that did not 'have it in them'; those who were simply 'unfortunate'.
My recent relocation to Malaysia has come with its own set of challenges albeit not complete failures, but never did I imagine that getting a driving licence in this country would prove to be baptism by fire.
I had been driving myself 60km to and from work daily, in practically all kinds of traffic or weather conditions. I had had the usual brush with minor accidents and incidents, which I think nobody can dispute having encountered in their own life.
So, I was ill-prepared for my epic failure at the Road Transport Department's practical driving test. The computerized theory test had already tested my memory and learning skills to the fullest.
I was conspicuous by my (advanced) age in a situation where I was clearly outnumbered and possibly disadvantaged.
It is ironical that it is relatively easier to obtain a driving licence in a country where it is so difficult to drive, in other words in India, but probably therein remains the paradox and also the conundrum of which came first — the easy driving licence or the difficult driving conditions.
The road test went off rather smoothly and I even received an official word of congratulations that I had 'passed'. This did nothing to boost my confidence for the 'bukit' (slope) section, since I had been struggling during the track practice.
Learning becomes that much more difficult if one has to 'unlearn' first, and my long driving experience had taught me some not so correct patterns that were difficult to overcome. Still, I persisted, the possibility of failure never crossing my mind. I firmly believed I would ace the slope too.
But, as my test car kept stalling on the slope I actually told myself that the car was 'rigged', and kept up with my perseverance on this attempt even after the eligible time limit of three minutes had been reached.
I was asked to shift to neutral and exit the vehicle. I do not think I have ever made such an ungraceful exit before. It was humiliating — my first taste of failure.
Dazed and red faced, crushed and crestfallen, I joined the other 'failures' in the shed especially reserved for such people. We all tried to pretend that our life had not come to an end.
I had dreamed of celebrating my 'win' with ice-cream and other goodies- including a swanky new car. I had dreamed of driving around the country soon, as also in neighbouring countries. I had dreamed of driving my family around when they visited.
I had awakened early, prepared for this day, invoked all the gods on the planet, and put all my other tasks on hold till this major milestone was achieved. It had all come to naught.
I felt overwhelmed. I remembered that people, especially youngsters failing in public exams back home, have even taken their life.
Somehow, I went through the usual obligations for the day.
I did have that ice-cream too, not as a 'cure' for my utter despair but as a gift for having survived this assault on my psyche. I noticed, with a clear distinction, that I had only had that one ice-cream and not the series of cheat treats that I normally succumb to during a particularly bad bout of depression.
It was liberating and empowering. I had embraced my failure. The things that mattered in my life were still intact. There would be new dreams and new plans.
I would go where fate would take me, even if I were to lose control. Pending tasks would just settle themselves right again, and soon. There was nothing to fear, except fear itself.
I felt invigorated and optimistic. There would be a re-test. I might fail that too. But, road safety standards were not to be diluted. So, it is for standards everywhere, even in education.
Students must understand that it is imperative to try one's best, set the highest targets, learn from their failures, and grow into well rounded individuals — devoid of the current culture of instant gratification, the rat race, and similar evils that contribute to the pandemic of mental health issues we suffer today.
Make failure your best friend. And the most colourful feather in your cap.
The writer is senior associate professor, ENT Unit, AIMST University