YOUR world would always feel like it has gone topsy-turvy when your loved one gets admitted to the hospital. All other plans go on hold and there’s just so much to do! If you’re working, you’d have to take emergency leave. Even without an employer, you’d have to make emergency arrangements so you can get someone to help you do your daily chores so that you can be there for your ailing loved one. Somebody has to manage what you do because you can’t be in two places at the same time.
For those with younger school-going children, somebody will have to do your children’s school pick-up and drop-off, manage their meals and homework as well as keep them clean.
Somebody would also have to stay with them at the house so that there’s always an adult to supervise them. It’s either that or your children get sent to a relative who can keep an eye on them so that they don’t miss school.
That’s just one component of this whole thing. The other is what you have to deal with at the hospital. If it were something serious with a potentially long hospital stay, you’d have to get so many things in order.
If it were your parents going in, you’d want to mobilise your siblings to help. You may also want to enlist your parents’ siblings too. Their experience and willingness to help may be a boon to you.
Meantime, elect someone to be the family’s spokesperson. There’d usually be one or two primary caregivers who’d be the one to talk to the doctors and update the rest of the family.
Once that’s in place, you’d need to organise the people who’d be there to accompany your loved one at his bedside. A lot depends on the severity of the case or the type of hospital he or she is in.
ORGANISE AND MANAGE
If your loved one is well enough to go to the bathroom on his own, then you may not need to be there all the time. However, if your loved one has been in surgery or is weak with illness and needs assistance to even sit up, then the level of caregiving has to be stepped up. You’d need to create shifts so that no one person is there 24/7.
In many instances, hospital duty is about being a companion to the ailing person. When the patient is resting, you can rest too, or do other things like reading and keeping the rest of the family in the loop on the current status.
To while your time there, you could also ask the nurses for advice. Mind you, chat with them only if they’re free and willing. I remember all those years when the hospital was like my second home because I had to take care of my son and then my parents.
The nurses always gave me excellent aftercare advice. My son and father underwent several surgeries at different times. Each time I learnt something new on how to be hands-on with their care.
Something as simple as sitting up in bed had to be learnt. Even the step-by-step motion of sitting up, arranging the legs from laying down position to letting them dangle first before hitting the ground to stand is a sequence that we should know. Trying to skip some steps or rushing the movement can cause injury if they lose their balance.
SMALL BLESSINGS
Another important thing to remember when you’re a caregiver on hospital duty is to keep the mood neutral; be conscious of how you manage your emotions. Everyone’s already stressed out. Your ailing loved one’s spirit may be down so try not to tell sad stories or be an alarmist who talks about worst possible scenarios.
Instead, try to encourage your loved one to stay positive and do whatever the medical team encourages so that he can get better and go home. If your loved one is bedridden and can only make small movements without too much pain, ask the doctor if physiotherapy or even pain management could help.
If the hospital is short of staff, ask them for advice and show you how you can help maintain or improve circulation for your loved one’s limbs. The thing about being immobile is that it hurts to move because the joints have become so stiff. There’s a general saying about muscles and brain: you don’t use it, you lose it.
You wouldn’t believe how uplifting it is for your loved one if he or she can progress from using the bedpan to going to the toilet. Being able to shower and feel clean again is among some of the greatest blessings we take for granted.
Being slightly mobile, albeit going for a “stroll” in a wheelchair, is far better than just lying in bed feeling sorry for oneself and ending up with bedsores. It’s these little things we do daily that bring back our dignity – being clean and cared for, and being able to not go to bed except to rest and sleep.
Putri Juneita Johari volunteers for the Special Children Society of Ampang. She can be reached at juneitajohari@yahoo.com.