Putri Juneita Johari
When you have a loved one who's critically ill or is hospitalised, and you're not sure of the outcome, you'll feel like you're living on the edge. Outwardly, you may seem calm and collected, and perhaps a little bit worried. But deep down, your head is in turmoil and your stomach churns with the uncertainty. All sorts of thoughts flit through your mind, from the best to worst-case scenarios.
That stress can eat at you slowly if you're not careful. Over time, you may develop health issues like gastric, acid reflux, anxiety attacks and hypertension that you'd have to deal with in addition to taking care of your ailing loved one.
One of the first things that get off track is eating healthily and on time. When you're spending much of your time hanging around the hospital, darting in and out according to visiting hours, or just sitting there waiting for a procedure or surgery to complete, you tend to eat whatever you can lay your hands on and at whatever time.
The food outlets, convenience stores or cafes at the hospital don't always have the best for your health. Most of the time, the offerings are high in processed carbs, sugar and salt — things that you somehow crave under the circumstances.
Fast food, whether it's from those chain of restaurants or your local gerai, aren't always the best options either, but they'd have to do somehow. Then again, freshly cooked food from roadside stalls may be better than processed frozen food that you heat up in the microwave. Would you feed your family the same things too? You have to weigh that out for yourself.
But here's the thing. If you have a family to care for, in addition to taking care of an ailing loved one, you'd be burning the proverbial candle at both ends. Burnout might get you sooner than later.
SELF-LOVE
Some of the most important things you need to cover whilst caring for someone critically ill, whether at the hospital or at home, would be to watch what you eat, get enough rest and sleep, and get some exercise.
All these sounds pretty basic and easy, yet so difficult to do when you're under fire. You feel so deflated when there's hopelessness and despair. You somehow can't even find the will or energy to do anything, especially for yourself.
You feel guilty just at the thought of wanting to take some time off. In fact, if your loved one is in pain or serious condition, just laughing at a silly joke or watching a comedy flick makes you feel guilty too.
You feel bad for feeling good, even for just a moment because your loved one is in pain. This seems so illogical but you just can't seem to reconcile the heart with the mind in these situations. Emotions and logic would be at loggerheads.
What I've found useful whenever this happens is to talk myself through it. First, calm down, and then take a deep breath and say to yourself, don't fall apart. You have to give yourself permission to do what's right and good for you.
How about taking a few minutes off to have some "me time"? Those few minutes could constitute anything from going for a walk, having a massage, or just to stretch out in bed and veg out or watch a movie on your tablet.
PLAN AHEAD
Still can't get yourself to do that? Then, put yourself in a situation where you're talking to someone who's spending all her time there beside the ailing loved one. Imagine yourself telling that person to take some time off to rest. It's always so much easier to give permission to others than to yourself. It's about being kinder to yourself.
It might help if you could make plans ahead of time. Make a list of what you could do given the time you have. Having a plan means you can organise your day and even ask for help.
While you might not get someone to cover for you for more than a few hours, it's still a few hours of break for you. That can make a lot of difference to your wellbeing. If you've been spending days, weeks or months at the hospital, those few hours in your own home, bed, bathroom and kitchen will be so precious and energising.
Talk to your loved ones about how you feel with what you're going through. There's really no need to bear the burden alone. Even if at that moment you feel as though no one really gets you and you feel so lonely, at least you've told someone about it.
Make fresh plans and see what your options are. Whatever it is, stay as healthy and well as possible. If you're not taking care of yourself, how can you take care of others?
[The views expressed in this article are the writer's own.]
Putri Juneita Johari volunteers for the Special Community Society of Ampang. She can be reached at juneitajohari@yahoo.com.