PARENTS who assume the worst about their pregnant teens often fail to see that they have an enormous influence on their children’s decisions about sex. Teens who feel a loving parental presence at home are more likely to abstain from sex, wait until they are older to begin having sex, have fewer sexual partners and use contraception more consistently. Close parent-child relationships not only help to protect the young from early sex and pregnancy, but also help them avoid risky behaviours, such as violence, substance and alcohol abuse. High-quality research and anecdotal evidence point to this conclusion.
Many parents remain in the dark for a long time before discovering that their teenage daughters have become pregnant, but when realisation kicks in, they find it easy to blame their children for the situation they are in. In fact, the opposite is sometimes true. Parents who abuse or neglect their family must take responsibility for pushing their vulnerable teens into the arms of their boyfriends. Their parents may not have abandoned them completely, but the troubled teenagers’ need for love and attention often drives them to engage in destructive behaviour. Those who seek unconditional love think they can get this from their babies, another motivation to get pregnant.
Sadly, the pregnant teenager is made to feel like an outcast and inadequate by everyone, including her family. Yet this poor girl had been lonely long before she got pregnant. As much as a teen pregnancy causes complications, it is also a result of unresolved issues associated with the victim’s upbringing. Clearly, the quality of parents’ relationships with their teenagers seems to be the best protection against risky sexual behaviour. While it is important for parents to communicate their values and expectations to their children, regularly express their concerns and love for them and exercise supervision — including selection of friends and role models — it is also vital for adults to become involved in their loved ones’ lives without suffocating them. A big part of the communication process includes discussions with their children about sex, love, values and relationships.
Budgetary and cultural constraints may prevent the school system from adopting a comprehensive sexual health education programme. So, the onus is on parents to fill the gaps in their children’s understanding of the birds and the bees. Speaking about sexual health should no longer be a taboo in this country. A module that covers birth control is said to be more effective at reducing unwanted pregnancies than the “abstinence-only education” favoured by some educators. Still, lessons in responsibility are as important as lessons in sex. It may not be a bad idea to have girls carry around dolls or even heavy sugar bags for a week to give them a taste of how parenthood would change their lives. When we make boys and young men part of the equation, they will learn about respect for girls and women, responsibility and expected standards of behaviour. An average of 18,000 teenage Malaysian girls — 25 per cent out of wedlock — get pregnant each year. We need to focus on education and prevention, not magic bullets. We need to help young Malaysians make smart choices.