HAVE you ever felt uncomfortable because the person talking to you is standing far too close? They are polite and courteous, yet their proximity makes you uncomfortable.
Or because they are too far away, you feel that the conversation has literally become distant and impersonal?
Ever noticed how the physical space between people talking varies according to where they are from?
The concept of personal space differs according to geography and culture.
Proxemics, a term invented by Edward Hall, is the study of how people use their personal space for non-verbal communication.
He carried out research in the 1960s and found that people had four types of personal space: Public space (a 3.6m distance), social space (1m), personal space (48cm) and intimate space (for loved ones only!).
People from North America, the UK and Nordic countries are generally more comfortable with greater personal space.
Meanwhile those from Latin America, Europe and Asia have smaller personal space needs. In Spanish-speaking countries, it is perfectly acceptable to greet one another by kissing on the cheek, even if you do not know one another that well.
Contrast this with an arm’s length handshake between close friends in the UK or US, and you begin to see how social space differs around the world.
I lived in Spain as a youngster. We would often go to the beach to relax at weekends. On an empty kilometre stretch of golden-sanded beach we would soon be joined by a local family.
They had the whole beach to choose from. But they would arrange their towels and beach chairs just next to ours. They were being sociable. And friendly. They just didn’t want us to feel lonely.
For some Europeans, beach towels are an invaluable tool for reserving their poolside personal space.
Annoyingly they are placed on sun-beds before sunrise, and their reserved spots are often not taken up until after lunchtime.
It’s a major irritation to those who need only brief usage of “their” unused sun-bed, but unable to do so because there are towels to mark personal space.
In Singapore, it is common to see locals using tissue packets to reserve tables at hawker centres while they go order food, but I still regard it as an inefficient use of personal space.
Annoyingly it denies me “my” space, space that I could be using and have finished using, by the time the owner of the tissue packet returns with food.
Nonetheless, it is a very useful source of FOC tissues to those who believe locals are being hospitable with their offerings. But good luck if you try tissue tactics in the US or UK to reserve your lunchtime table.
Personal space is also a function of population density. If you live in a crowded Asian city, you quickly become used to living among the masses.
After I return from an overseas trip, my biggest challenge is adjusting physically, to the crowds that line the sidewalks and shopping centres as well as learning to avoid “people space” collisions.
Walk too slowly and my path is continuously blocked. Move too fast and I leave a wake of destruction behind me.
Think about it the next time you are in a lift, queueing for the ATM, using public transport or boarding a budget airline with no allocated seating. Watch for the unwritten rules of proxemics and how personal space boundaries are followed. Or not.
One rule is universally understood, but only by men.
Nowhere can breaking this rule be more terrifying than in the men’s restroom. The urinal principal works as follows:
You enter the men’s restroom and are met by three unused urinals. Take the far one or the nearest. But never, ever, take the middle one.
The next person to enter will take the one furthest away from you. Never, ever, the middle urinal.
The third person to enter will have no choice but to use that middle urinal. He will stare straight ahead. As will the other two urinal users. Not left. Not right. Straight ahead. Shoulder to shoulder.
Because of the three urinals’ close proximity you are in each other’s personal, bordering on intimate, space. You are in limbo as the acceptable personal space boundaries have been blurred. If only momentarily.
Proxemics determines how people behave together in different spaces. Often we get it wrong when interacting with those from other cultures. But rare is the case when it can’t be resolved with a universally accepted smile, and some friendly eye contact. Just don’t do too much of it when using the restroom.
Catching planes, trains and cars around the world, he endures rain or shine, sand or snow. But most often, mosquitoes and leeches. Andrew Drummond Law writes about his amusing, sometimes serious, but always different, take on life. Reach him at traveltimes@nst.com.my