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Old folks homes: Some children make excuses not to come visit

KUALA LUMPUR: FOR the past five years, 69-year-old Yap Lai Kit has not celebrated Chinese New Year with his family.

“After I retired from working in a printing factory, I was no longer able to support my family,” said the resident of the Charis Sheep Pen Shelter in Kuala Lumpur.

“My son and wife had left me, while my granddaughter lives with her maternal grandmother,” Yap said.

He said his only wish every festive season was to celebrate with his family again and hoped that they would all be together again.

“Every time Chinese New Year approaches, I reminisce about the many previous celebrations we celebrated as a family together.”

At Persatuan Kebajikan Rumah Victory Malaysia in Puchong, Loo C.T. considered herself lucky because her son would take her out for dinner during Chinese New Year.

Loo said she had lived in two different old folks’ homes over the last 12 years.

“I look forward to having dinner with my son, his wife and three grandchildren, even if it is only for one day,” she said.

Loo said her husband died when her son was still young, forcing her to work at a restaurant to earn a living.

Now that her son has a family of his own, she said, she didn’t mind being left at the home.

“This is also a good place for me. I am not complaining. I know my son is busy at work and raising his own family.”

To spread festive cheer among the residents, the homes would usually organise simple celebrations for the senior citizens to mark the festival, even if the efforts do little to lift their spirits.

Persatuan Rumah Caring Kajang foun-der Wendy Yap Lee Cheng, 57, said it was disheartening to see the elderly on their own, especially when they know where their family members are.

“Some of the residents would ask me to call their children and take them home.

“Some families would come by and take them out for the day or a few days after getting our calls, but there are also those who do not. They always have excuses not to come.

“It breaks my heart when they claim they are busy at work or busy preparing for the celebration that they have no time to pick up their elderly family members.

“If I know where their family lives, I would personally take them there. I once told off a family who refused to take their father home for Chinese New Year.

“It’s hard seeing them all alone, heartbroken and sad, wishing to be with their family on such a special day.

“None of the residents want to be here during the celebrations, but every year, we always see a number of them abandoned and alone.”

Yap said that although many of the residents had resigned themselves to the fact that they would be spending their twilight years at a home, they still looked forward to occasional visits from their family members.

One of the residents, Chow Poh Onn, 65, said he only had one wish this Chinese New Year — to mend his relationship with his estranged children.

“I got a divorce when my three children were in secondary school.

“Since then, they have grown up with their mother,” he said.  

In June last year, he had a stroke at workand his children bore the expenses of the nursing home, despite the estranged relationship.

“It was my fault because I gambled away my house and money. That was why I separated with my wife in 1997.

“I have a lot of good memories with my family. Before getting divorced, we travelled to many places as a family.

“My wish this Chinese New Year is for my family and relatives to visit me and for us to have the reunion dinner together. Just the thought of it makes me happy,” he said.  

Deputy Women, Family and Community Development Minister Datin Paduka Chew Mei Fun appealed to those with parents in old folks’ homes to take them out, at least for Chinese New Year.

She said the elderly should be looked after by their children in their golden years.

“We hope all children take good care of their parents and set a good example for the next generation.

“We, too, will arrive at our parents’ age some day.”

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