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Decades of infidelity and abuse lead to divorce for single mothers

KUALA LUMPUR: A 55-year-old single mother shared her decision to end her 30-year marriage due to enduring years of abuse and infidelity.

The woman, who wishes to be known as Ida, also highlighted the emotional toll and resilience required to leave a toxic relationship.

Recounting the hardships she endured, Ida shared that she married at the age of 22, while her ex-husband was 25.

"Throughout our marriage, I endured a lot of his behaviour. He frequently hit me and was often unfaithful.

"The only thing that kept me going was my children. He never changed and became increasingly temperamental over the years," she said.

Ida reached her breaking point in 2021 after a major argument with her husband, triggered by yet another act of infidelity.

"In 2021, I cared for him when he was bedridden for three months. Once he recovered, I discovered he had been having an affair with another woman.

"To my shock, their affair had been going on for several years. What wife wouldn't be devastated by such betrayal?

"He even threatened her to allow him to remarry. I filed for divorce because I could no longer endure the pain and sadness."

A few months after their divorce, Ida learned from her children that her ex-husband, now in his 60s, had remarried.

"Although there are negative perceptions about divorcing at this age, I chose peace and happiness with my children over staying in a toxic relationship.

"I had been putting up with his behaviour since the children were little," she said.

Meanwhile, Siti, 55, another single mother, shared a similar story, revealing that her marriage also ended due to a third party.

"My marriage to my ex-husband, who is now 59, was my second. We got married when I was 32 after my first marriage ended in divorce due to irreconcilable differences," she said.

Siti said her husband, a factory worker, initially treated her and her child well. However, she later discovered that he was having an affair with a co-worker.

"Despite catching him cheating multiple times, he always had excuses to deny the relationship until I finally caught them together at a supermarket," she said.

What hurt her the most was discovering that her husband's affair had lasted for over 13 years.

"Imagine living with him for over 20 years, only to realise he had spent half of that time with another woman, who is in her forties.

"He often claimed he had no money for household expenses but had enough to spend on her," she said, adding that she got divorced in 2018.

Another woman, Zakiah, 76, shared her experience of living in a toxic marriage with an ill-tempered husband.

"My ex-husband was controlling and always demanded obedience. Years before our divorce, I decided to live with my children as I couldn't tolerate his behaviour anymore," she said.

Despite her efforts to reconcile, her husband refused to live together again.

"What's the point of a marriage if the husband and wife don't live under the same roof?" she asked.

Zakiah eventually filed for divorce, unable to endure the emotional toll any longer.

"If you remain in a toxic relationship for too long, it will damage your mental health. After decades of marriage, your soul suffers.

"How long must we bear such pain when wives deserve to be treated with respect and kindness?" she said.

Meanwhile, Wan, a man in his sixties, revealed the struggles of managing conflicts among his three wives, aged in their fifties, forties and thirties.

He added that all three wives are financially dependent on him and problems arose when his third wife frequently posted updates of their activities together on social media, causing tensions with his first and second wives.

The situation escalated when his first and second wives accused him of favouring his third wife.

"I feel torn and have had to seek counselling to address the conflicts," Wan said.

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