LETTERS: I’m a 33-year-old woman. My husband and I enjoy trying out new places to eat and often dine at a restaurant in Bandar Puchong Jaya, Selangor.
However, recently I had a bad experience there that put me off the idea of ever returning to that place.
On the afternoon of Jan 18, my husband and I decided to have lunch at the restaurant.
As we walked in and were ushered to an empty table, I heard and saw a male waiter close by remark, “Eh, jangan tengok itu Dai Pau ah!”
For those who don’t know what a Dai Pau/Tai Pao/Da Bao is, it means “big bun” and refers to the varieties of big steamed buns sold in Chinese restaurants. Going by what the waiter meant, he was bodyshaming me, calling me fat.
The other waiters who heard what he said let out a chuckle and carried on with their duties.
I stared at him, horrified. When the waiter realised that I had heard what he said, he avoided eye contact with me and walked away from our table.
My husband, who was being presented with dim sum to choose from, was oblivious to all this.
I told him what happened when he noticed the look on my face. We called the waiter to our table and asked him what his words meant. He pretended to not understand and said: “Tak ada, tak ada.”
We then called his colleague and asked him the same, and he told us the truth. The waiter had bodyshamed me and had even made fun of his colleague because he is darker skinned, just like me. (I am of Indian ethnicity.) I thanked this waiter for his honesty.
At this point, the offending waiter was dumbfounded because his colleague had not lied for him.
We spoke to the manager, who reprimanded the waiter and instructed him to apologise to me, to which he replied: “I have apologised.”
Bewildered and mortified by the stares I was getting from customers, I informed the manager that we would not be dining there again and left the premises.
I don’t understand. I didn’t go there to show off my body. I just wanted to have a meal and a peaceful Saturday with my husband.
What made him think that it was okay to comment on my body? Would he have done the same if I were a man?
As we drove home, upset over the snafu, I realised that the answer to that question was “no”.
I spiralled quickly into a pit of shame and self-loathing. I wanted to hide from the world, but then I thought, why should I? I didn’t deserve to be treated that way.
Women have been exposed to all kinds of media and people who comment on our bodies. We have constantly been told that we are supposed to be thin.
And men think it is okay to comment on our bodies. Unfortunately, this is the general Malaysian mindset.
We shame our daughters, sisters, friends into thinking that they will never be worthy.
When you bodyshame someone, you objectify and sexualise them instead of recognising that they are individuals with unique personalities and capabilities that make them who they are.
Women are not body parts. We deserve to be recognised for who we are, not what we do or don’t look like.
I hope that in future, women will not be treated so disrespectfully.
And I hope that if they do, they would have the courage to stand up for themselves because each time a woman stands up for herself, she stands up for all women.
K.S.
Subang Jaya, Selangor
The views expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect those of the New Straits Times