SWIPE left. Swipe left. Hmmm. Nope. Swipe left again. Aha! This guy sounds interesting enough. Swipe right!
In this digital era, it seems that you can find "love" at a mere swipe on your mobile phone. And you'd be surprised to know that Malaysians are certainly on board (as well as online) to look for love over the Internet.
About four years ago, YouGov research revealed the scale of the phenomenon in Malaysia. As many as three in 10 (29 per cent) Malaysians have used Internet and online dating apps.
This rises to a third among millennials. Just last year, another research showed that approximately 50 per cent of Malaysian respondents who used mobile dating apps stated that they used Tinder. The same survey found that around 37 per cent of Malaysian respondents used mobile dating apps.
The days of meeting our partners at school, university, work or in networks of family or friends are long past. So are the days of meeting the loves of our lives in dimly-lit pubs over drinks that were bound to impair our judgement while loosening our social restraints all at the same time — often with embarrassing results.
But what if you've missed out on getting a partner through those tried-and-tested mating rites? I mean, not all of us have had the luck of the draw. The whole gamut of socialising or putting yourself out there can be tiring, especially if you have a job and a host of responsibilities to juggle.
Enter the revolutionary Internet age of online dating. The array of dating apps these days have now made it easy for us to find "love" or at least give us some semblance of a social life. It renders it easy for us lonely people to make contact with people we don't know and better yet, those who don't necessarily live within our "home-to-work" radius.
But be warned — do go in with your eyes wide open.
It's one of the first lessons learnt by many in the swelling ranks of subscribers to Internet dating sites: soul mates are harder to come by than dinner and a movie. But a growing number of single adults remains convinced that the chances of finding a life partner are better online than off — despite the risks. Those who've been on these apps have plenty of stories to share about their experiences.
"Online dating apps are a reservoir of some really unforgettable stories!" asserts Francis Wolf, the author of Eye Swipe Right, a collection of short stories that captures all these elements of the treacherous world of online dating and also evokes the delirious kick of chortling with friends about past miseries deep into the night.
It's also almost midnight when we decide to meet online for a little tete-a-tete. It seems like the perfect time to talk about dating and finding love in the Internet age. "It's really difficult for single folks to meet other single folks these days," he concedes. I nod in agreement. "The book is based on online dating," he states the obvious, of course. "There's all these different apps to choose from, and being a single guy myself, I'm on most of them, myself."
A frank admission from him indeed. He goes on to explain: "There's a certain stigma about being on dating sites. I mean you'd have people asking you, 'Why so desperate lah?'"
Grinning, he continues: "But it's slowly gaining acceptance these days and short of sounding like I work for one of these dating apps, I want to say it's a great way to meet new folks, because you know why…" And then he pauses for a while.
"Can I start my sermon now?" he asks, squinting into the camera, before launching into a little homily on why dating apps — despite their faults, bad dates and quirky strangers — do work. I don't need convincing, of course. Admittedly, I'm no stranger to dating apps myself.
Online dating, once viewed as a refuge for the socially inept and as a faintly disrespectable way to meet other people, is rapidly becoming a fixture of single life for adults of all ages, backgrounds and interests.
FIRST DATE FOIBLES
"Are you single?" he asks, before adding sheepishly: "That's not very professional of me to ask. But anyway!" And we both laugh. It's beginning to feel a lot like a clandestine meeting between two people on a Dating App, who both "swiped right" and looking for a good conversation that would last the night, rather than an interview.
"How would you describe yourself on a dating app?" I ask curiously. I can't help myself. At the beginning of each story in Eye Swipe Right is a dating profile of each of his protagonist.
Win, 24
Outgoing and fun
Loves fun, loves food
Liars, scammers and married men stay away!
or
Adam, 22
I am from Kuala Kangsar. Have you been there?
Jangan la segan. I ok. (Don't be shy, I'm okay)
There's even the ambiguous:
Drew, 22
In love with Haiku
Looking for someone Like You
Don't be shy, swipe right
There's an air of mystery about the author himself. There's isn't much he's willing to reveal during our meeting except for the fact that he's from Kapar and that Francis is his real name while 'Wolf' is a moniker which friends and acquaintances know him by. "I prefer to let the book speak for itself," the 48-year-old insists with a smile.
It definitely feels like a first date, after all. I mean, there's the mystery and the reluctance to share anything beyond the superficial. He's quick, however, to share his dating profile:
Francis Wolf, 48
Ethically minded and spiritually intact.
Only swipe if you're interested in someone with a sense of humour and someone who keeps himself busy.
"Are you going to put up my profile in the story?" he asks, raising his eyebrows. "Why… yes!" I reply at once. There's not much to go on you, I add half-accusingly, so may as well put up your dating profile! He shrugs his shoulders and grins.
WRITE FOR LOVE, LOVE TO WRITE
But there's still a bit more to share despite the initial reticence. "I'm a musician, a game shop owner and writer," he offers conciliatorily. There's enough on the 'net to source about Wolf's musical career.
One of the early pioneers of punk rock music, Wolf founded Spunky Funggy back in 1991, during an era when the underground music scene in Malaysia thrived, and when being a punk rocker with a mohawk was very much in vogue, if not slightly subversive.
"The music I used to play was punk rock," he explains. "Very loud and abrasive. Even the lyrics I wrote for punk rock didn't require many words. It just requires a lot of shouting. As long as you're aggressive, you're fine and cool!"
He's a little self-deprecating about his chequered musical career. But there's much more to learn about his past that he actually lets on. Spunky Funggy — which featured frontman/guitarist Wolf, bassist Lan and drummer Chong — released its debut album Smile For The Revolution in 2000. The album laid the groundwork for bigger things ahead for the punk rock-inspired trio. Then Spunky Funggy suddenly disappeared without a trace.
"We were moving to bigger things," he explains half-wistfully, adding: "An Australia tour was in the cards. We were all set to go." But the exhilaration was short-lived. The motley crew were denied entry to Brisbane when they landed.
"I went to Australia with ripped jeans, leather jacket, punk T-shirt and guitar, with patches and stuff. So, the minute you walk through immigration, you're bound to get flagged. And we got turned away," recalls Wolf ruefully.
The result was embarrassing, as well as depressing. "I came back to nothing, literally nothing" writes Wolf in his debut memoir, Social Carbon Copy. "The electricity had been cut and I was living in darkness. Hungry as I had no food, everything just fell at the same time."
It took a while for Wolf and his band to recover. But they eventually picked up the pieces and went on to tour Thailand, albeit with a different line-up (his bassist quit just days before the ill-fated Australian tour).
He kept a journal throughout and eventually came out with a book documenting his experience. His first book Social Carbon Copy, which is self-published by his Doyerown Books imprint, chronicled the struggles, rise and spectacular fall of the band.
Writing about his experience was therapeutic. "Reading the manuscript as I was transcribing this book made me realise where I was and where I am right now. How I view the world and how being punk was important to being me. It was nice to listen to the version of 'me' from that time," writes Wolf in his foreword of his first book.
He caught the writing bug and hasn't looked back since.
SWIPING RIGHT
Eye Swipe Right is Wolf's fifth book to date and his first attempt at fiction writing. "The art of writing starts with a short story," he shares, adding: "It's my way of attempting to sharpen my skills as a writer. I mean, I'm not a trained writer!"
But the experiences drawn to write each story do come from stories he's heard from friends. "Any of those stories derived from your experience?" I ask teasingly. The question is an inevitable one.
There's a hilarious story in Wolf's book about a guy who goes out to meet his online date which starts off incredibly promising — until he has a bad case of the runs in the middle of his date.
"At this point, thinking coherently was already an arduous task. He could hear her talking and laughing about something. He just smiled, and every time his stomach moved, he squeezed her hand. This was getting desperate."
That Walk You Remember is both hilarious and tragic. And I can't help but recall the story when I throw the question to Wolf. He grins in response, but fobs off the question for a while.
"I've been on the app for a while. And every time I get to know a new person, there's this little 'getting-to-know-each-other' ritual of sharing experiences about online dating experiences!" he recounts, chuckling.
The more he met people, the more stories he heard. "Some of these stories were pretty out of the norm and interesting," he recalls, adding: "Since I was interested in writing fiction, I figured why not write about these experiences?"
But there were rules he stuck to. "I needed to make sure that all 10 stories were different. Each of the stories have a different voice, different styles and way of writing," he says. "Also, I went for more happy stories!"
I raise my eyebrows. Having a bout of diarrhoea during a date or a tragic encounter with a homicidal date doesn't make for happy endings, I remind him. But yes, I concur that there were more happily-ever-afters than tragic endings in Eye Swipe Right. "I enjoyed the book," I say and he looks pleased. "Thank youlah!" he replies, smiling broadly.
The night wanes and waxes on. But like all great first "dates", it draws slowly to a reluctant end. "Do you think you'd ever find true love through an app?" I finally ask him. "How can you know?" he asks me back, before continuing: "If you don't cast your net, how would you know?"
Indeed.
"I am lonely" writes one of Wolf's protagonists. "I think about meeting new people all the time. A chance to reinvent myself in another person's voice, a chance to start again somewhat, but there aren't many places for people to meet other single people without assistance."
Swipe right. It's a match!
Ah, here's a potential match. Wish me luck.
But if it doesn't work out in any case, at least I'll have a story to tell!
EYE SWIPE RIGHT
Author: Francis Wolf
Publisher: Doyerown Books
Pages: 172
Retails at RM25 each (excluding delivery charges) at Shopee and at Silverfish Bookstore at Bangsar Village 2.