International Islamic University of Malaysia Associate Professor Dr Shamrahayu Abdul Aziz really stirred up a hornet’s nest when she suggested the setting up of a special department to address domestic abuse faced by men recently.
The “Men’s Affairs Department”, she had proposed, would help husbands deal with physical and mental abuse from their spouses, as she said there was no avenue for Malaysian men to seek help.
The associate professor of law was vilified by various quarters, including some in the media, who could not believe that a woman would say such a thing, as men in Malaysia held positions of privilege, while women were the ones who were abused and discriminated against.
Some commentators even cursed all men for being abusive towards women — physically, mentally and sexually.
While there can be no denying that men do enjoy positions of privilege over women in Malaysia, one can make the argument that the times are a-changing.
Slowly, it must be said, but they are changing.
But domestic abuse where the perpetrator is the woman and the victim is the man does take place, in Malaysia and around the world.
The numbers are small, yes, but it does take place.
According to the United States’ National Domestic Violence Hotline, one in seven men aged 18 and above has been the victim of physical violence by an intimate partner in his lifetime, while 10 per cent of men have experienced rape, physical violence and/or stalking by a partner.
In 2013, of all the contacts with the hotline, 13 per cent identified themselves as men.
The hotline’s website states that it believes that there are likely many more men who do not report or seek help for abuse, for a variety of reasons.
Among these are that:
MEN are socialised not to express their feelings or see themselves as victims. Young boys, the hotline says, are taught not to express their emotions, to “suck it up” and “be a man”;
PERVADING beliefs or stereotypes about men being abusers, women being victims.
The hotline says focusing on only one type of situation tends to make invisible other scenarios, including the abuse of men;
THE abuse of men is often treated as less serious, or a “joke”. This, in part, is down to the first two reasons.
The situation is quite similar in Malaysia.
In 2013, Women, Family and Community Development Minister Datuk Seri Rohani Abdul Karim had said more and more men were coming forward to report domestic abuse.
However, she had said the figures the ministry held likely did not reflect the actual number of cases as many men were believed to have not lodged reports.
Among the reasons she cited were shame for being abused and fear that they would be seen as being weak to have been abused by women.
“Although it’s not common to hear of such cases, they do exist.
“In fact, more men are coming out to report and these cases are treated similarly to abuse cases involving women.”
What Shamrahayu was suggesting was not to forget about female victims.
It was merely to help the few male victims. To be attacked for it seems a little overboard.
Perhaps it would have been better to have taken the cue from Rohani, who, when commenting on Shamrahayu’s suggestion, said it was not necessary to set up such a unit as the number of cases was just too small to have a dedicated department.
“The number of men facing domestic abuse makes up only 10 per cent of such cases reported. (But) it does not mean that the ministry is not concerned about the wellbeing of men... victims can seek the ministry’s help under the Family and Welfare Department.”
Rohani said the ministry would organise more programmes for men focusing on raising awareness about domestic abuse and how men, too, can prevent themselves from becoming victims, adding that counselling services were also available to male abuse victims.
Abuse of anyone, whether in a domestic setting and whether the victim is a man or a woman, is wrong. In fact, it is criminal.
Whatever the circumstances, victims need to be helped, both emotionally and legally.
And whether you are male or female, if you are a victim, you must report the abuse.
There should be no shame attached to being abused, and society must not make it so.
The writer has more than two decades of experience, much of which has been spent writing about crime and the military. A diehard Red Devil, he can usually be found wearing a Manchester United jersey
outside of work