KUALA LUMPUR: More and more couples are now opting to be child-free as changing times and shifting mindsets make way for smaller, modern families.
Driven by the rising cost of living, health concerns including mental health, and the desire for career development and more freedom, many couples feel overwhelmed by the responsibility of raising and educating children, prompting them to take a less traditional route.
Society at large still sees this as an alternative lifestyle and for the Muslim majority in this country, it contradicts the teachings of Islam and Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) where procreation is the intended and primary purpose of marriage.
For Sofie (not her real name) and her husband, working in healthcare initially meant that having children wouldn't be ideal for their demanding careers and pursuing their dreams of furthering their education. They chose to be child-free for nearly 10 years to put their careers first.
Now that all their dreams have been fulfilled, the couple is expecting their first child as Sofie is currently eight weeks pregnant.
Sharing her story, Sofie said that in the fifth year of their marriage, she and her husband lived apart due to career demands, prompting them to continue being child-free.
"We are both far from our families, so if anything happens, there's no one to help us, and we also wanted to focus on our careers and studies first.
"Besides, we are a couple who love to travel abroad multiple times a year, which would be difficult if we had children. Personally, my husband doesn't feel the need to have his own children, possibly because his work surrounds sick children, making him feel sad or worried.
"For my husband, adopting would be better as we could help orphans and make them our children. We also spend time with our nieces and nephews," she told Harian Metro.
She said that even though they never discussed this matter before getting married, they never felt rushed to have their own children.
"Admittedly, life without children is indeed easier because there are no dependents or responsibilities. But this sometimes puts us in a bit of a spot and can be stressful because of how society perceives us, even though so far no one has directly questioned us about not having children except for one close family member.
"We would get the occasional passing comment from some family members, but we rarely see them due to distance and time constraints and prefer to maintain our privacy. Regardless, we just ignore people's opinions," she said.
She added that she had never thought to bring this up because she didn't think it's something to be shared, even though she admitted that some might assume one of them had health problems.
"People don't know that we chose to live child-free for 10 years and just assumed either my husband or I are infertile, and we think it's better they think that than us deliberately avoiding pregnancy," she said.
Sofie said that for her, the decision was not wrong from a religious standpoint and admitted she didn't want to raise children alone while her husband was far away.
"During the child-free period, we felt we had a lot of time to ourselves, more money for ourselves, more mobility, and fewer family-related leave requirements, but we had to deal with people's perceptions and sometimes felt jealous when many friends already had children," she said.
Sofie added that after achieving her dreams and career and moving back in with her husband, they decided to have children because she felt the time was right.
"I enjoy living happily with my husband," she said.
As for Delina (not her real name), who is in her 20s, timing is of the essence when it comes to deciding to have children.
Delina, who works in finance, said that currently it is simply not the right time for her to start a family with her husband.
For now, she said, she wants to live peacefully and happily with her husband without the added responsibility of raising children.
"I'm afraid that my husband and I would argue every day because of the emotional burden of raising children when we come home tired from work and still have to deal with household responsibilities since sometimes we still need to work after hours.
"Before we got married, we discussed this matter, and we love and understand each other, so we agreed not to have children," said Delina, whose husband works in information technology.
She said that although they have good careers and incomes, she acknowledges that the cost of raising children is quite high, including the need to provide insurance, which she finds burdensome in the current economic situation.
Having experienced a lack of affection from her strict father, Delina admitted she doesn't want her child to have to go through the same and receive less attention due to her and her husband's busy schedules.
"I want to live just with my husband, and the important thing is the purpose of marriage, to be happy as husband and wife, so why should there be a third party? I want to enjoy and live happily.
"When there are children, our time together will be disrupted, so for now, I choose to be child-free even though my family disapproves," she said.