ALOR STAR: Twenty-three years ago, Khairul Anuar Zakaria's fate was sealed on Death Row – a convicted murderer who dismembered his victim.
The gruesome murder shocked the nation. However, the 64-year-old was given a lifeline after his appeal for a royal pardon to commute the death sentence was granted.
The father of nine escaped the noose and walked out a free man on Oct 3, after more than two decades.
Reflecting on the crime that not only ended another man's life but altered his own beyond measure, Khairul did not mince words about his past.
"I did it, and I did it because the other person disrespected me. But it did not justify what I did... it was unforgivable," he admitted, taking full responsibility for the crime that still haunts many.
On Sept 22, 2008, Khairul was sentenced to death for murdering Chuah Leng Hai, 38, a blacksmith on April 4, 2001. His body was cut up into eight pieces.
Two others accused in the case, Ariffin Ahmad, 47, and Muhammad Zaidi Salleh, 42, were acquitted after Khairul's testimony cleared them, as both were reportedly asleep during the incident.
In his twilight years, Khairul emerged as a man profoundly changed by remorse and faith, a stark contrast to the person he once was.
"I didn't even know who God was when I committed the crime," he confessed, his voice trembling as he wiped away the tears during an interview at his home in Alor Star.
Recalling his years in prison, Khairul, once a regional sales manager for a water filter company, said being incarcerated redefined him.
"I'm 64 now. In my 20s, I was a student, eager to learn. By my 40s, I was a successful salesman, but I made an unforgivable mistake and spent 23 years behind bars.
"Oddly enough, it was during those 23 years that I was inside that I finally found meaning in my life. I found God. I discovered my purpose," he said.
Khairul said he spent most of his time reading in his cell, something which he believes changed him profoundly. That, along with prayers, and the brotherhood of other inmates.
"Read in the name of God, who is the Creator, who created the whole universe and everything in it," Khairul shared, quoting his favourite verse from the Quran.
"That verse had the most impact on me. I try to help others as I was given the opportunity to act as an assistant to the 'murabbi' (religious teacher). I always told my fellow inmates to read as much as possible," he added, noting that prison can be a place for both redemption, or decay.
"There are inmates, who choose to read, learn, and pray – they can improve. Prison is also a place where one can rot," he said.
As he begins his second chance at life, Khairul urged society to accept his release, although he acknowledged that not everyone can forgive and forget the crime he committed.
"All I can do is leave it to God. I have served my time, and I hope I make it to heaven when I die. But none of us can know if God will accept us and our prayers, so we must not be so quick to judge.
"I hope to help society by sharing my life lessons and preaching about religion, especially repentance. I'm old now and have nothing left to pursue. I just want to do good and hope God accepts me," he added.
On a lighter note, Khairul said his release brought about some surprises, especially in terms of technological changes.
"I don't know how to use a touchscreen phone. My kids are helping me, but I find the Internet and social media overwhelming. I can't drive these modern cars either; it's all so technical.
"Also, after being in a cell for so long, the sunlight, which I barely saw, is so bright – it burns my skin," he said, adding that he now takes medication for high blood pressure.